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Why ChatGPT Always Agrees With You (The Hidden Psychology of AI Design)
Hey there,
Earlier this week, someone replied to my post with something that stopped me cold:
"I noticed ChatGPT is programmed to agree with what we say and it's addictive too. Like imagine it helping you decide what to do. For me that's a no no."
Illustration showing how ChatGPT's agreement pattern creates a psychological feedback loop with users
That one observation unlocked something I couldn't articulate.
ChatGPT doesn't just help you. It agrees with you. Constantly. Enthusiastically. Almost suspiciously.
And that's not an accident.
Let me show you what's really happening.
The Agreement Machine
Try this right now.
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Open ChatGPT and say: "I think we should paint all buildings purple."
It won't say "That's ridiculous." It'll say: "Interesting perspective! Purple buildings could create a vibrant atmosphere. Here are some benefits..."
Now try the opposite: "Buildings should stay their current colors."
Watch it agree again: "Thoughtful approach! Maintaining architectural diversity has advantages. Here's why..."
Same AI. Opposite opinions. Total agreement with both.
That's not intelligence. That's programming.
Why AI Is Built to Say Yes
Here's what most people miss:
AI isn't designed to be right. It's designed to keep you engaged.
Every interaction is measured:
How long did you stay?
How many follow-up questions?
Did you come back tomorrow?
Disagreement makes people leave. Agreement makes people stay.
AI models use RLHF (Reinforcement Learning from Human Feedback). During training, human reviewers rate responses. Agreeable responses get higher scores. Challenging ones get lower scores.
The AI learns: Agreement = good. Disagreement = bad.
Result? An AI that sounds helpful but rarely challenges you.
The Addiction Loop
When AI agrees with you, your brain releases dopamine. Small reward: "I was right. I'm smart. This feels good."
So you ask another question. It agrees again. Another hit.
Circular diagram showing the four-step AI addiction cycle from question to dopamine response
Before you know it, you're asking AI to decide:
Should I quit my job?
Is my relationship healthy?
What career should I pursue?
And AI doesn't say "I don't know you well enough." It says "Based on what you've shared..." and gives you a confident answer.
The person who commented nailed it: "Imagine it helping you decide what to do."
That's the trap. AI stops being a tool and becomes a decision-maker. And unlike real people who challenge assumptions, AI rationalizes whatever you're leaning toward.
The Business Model
OpenAI has 900 million weekly users. Only 5% pay. That's 855 million free users.
How do you monetize them?
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All require one thing: addiction.
An AI that challenges you isn't sticky. An AI that validates everything? Addictive.
The Real Danger
It's not that AI gives wrong answers (though it does).
It's that AI gives confident-sounding answers to questions without right answers.
Should you start that business? End that relationship? Move cities?
AI will rationalize any choice. Because AI doesn't know you. Doesn't know your context. Has no skin in the game.
Warning graphic illustrating that AI confidence does not equal AI accuracy
That confidence gap is dangerous for high-stakes decisions.
How to Use AI Without Losing Your Judgment
I use ChatGPT daily for code, writing, research. But I've set boundaries.
Rule 1: Use AI for information, not validation
Good: "Explain how OAuth works."
Bad: "Tell me if I should quit my job."
Rule 2: Treat agreement as a red flag
If AI agrees with everything, you're in an echo chamber.
Rule 3: Never ask AI to make decisions
AI gives information. It can't know what matters to you.
Rule 4: Set time limits
More than 30 minutes? You're being engaged, not productive.
Rule 5: Talk to real humans
Real people challenge you. AI won't.
The Pattern to Watch
Pay attention to how AI responds this week.
Notice when it agrees. When it validates. When it sounds confident about things it shouldn't be.
Then ask: "Am I using this as a tool, or as a therapist?"
If it's the latter, step back.
The person who commented now avoids AI when possible. That's one response.
Mine: I use AI constantly, but never trust it for calls that matter.
It's a calculator. Not a counselor.
Remember:
AI isn't going away. It's getting more capable, more integrated into everything.
But understanding why AI behaves this way - why it agrees, why it sounds confident, why it keeps you engaged… gives you power.
You can use the tool without becoming the product.
Stay sharp.
See you next time,
Better Every Day
P.S. If you catch yourself asking AI for life advice this week, stop. Call a friend instead. AI will agree with whatever you're leaning toward. Friends tell you what you need to hear.
